I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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