I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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