Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
