problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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