Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
