Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
