im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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