So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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