Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
