It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
