New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
