I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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