it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
