part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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