i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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