My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
