Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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