I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
