fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
