they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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