3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
