everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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