I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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