Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
