i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
