dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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