I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
