that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
