I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Mom said you looked used
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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