Even the bartender felt bad for me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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