I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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