I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize