Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
