hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
