just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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