I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
