if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
