You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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