You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
