Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
