Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
