the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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