Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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