tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
