sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
