Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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