standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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