sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
