you guys were way drunker than both of me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
