I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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