it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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