ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
