I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
