Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Found the puke drawer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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