I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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