I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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