happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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