It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
