I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
