I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
