I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
