I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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