I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
