i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
