i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
