I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
