And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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