wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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