are you still at the devil's house?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
