You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
COCAINE IS GR8
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
