A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
