That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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