So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
