Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
